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Ahh... casual sex or as we also know it, the infamous "hoe phase". Is the juice worth the squeeze? Well, I think like most things human, unfortunately there is no black and white answer, it really depends. According to Urban Dictionary a "hoe phase" is - "A phase in your life that occurs frequently when you are fine with exploring promiscuous activities and connecting with random people. These activities do not always end in sex, but can lead to it....This phase helps you establish what you like and don't, explore your sexuality, and have fun. You have the ability to stop these actions or snap out of the phase." 

Now this is a pretty good start to the phrase and concept but allow me to further explain, I’ll start with my own experience. For me, it happened after a whirlwind of a relationship in high school. A relationship where I felt that I had relinquished all my power and got into a situation where someone else was dictating what was going on between us. I felt smothered and completely out of control. So, my “hoe phase” was largely about gaining my power back. Everything I did was completely on my terms; when it happened, who I did it with, how it was done. I didn’t really give a second thought to what my sexual partners wants were, it was entirely casual and all about ME. The lack of expectation (besides basic respect) and lack of deep connection to someone else was exactly what I needed at the time. It’s hard to explain the feelings that went along with it, but in the least cliché way possible, it was truly liberating.

After what I had gone through, I didn’t have any real or deep feelings to give, and I was just trying to figure myself out. Being able to call the shots and have partners that respected those boundaries helped me to regain my sense of self. I think when people hear hoe phase, they think it has to be cold and mechanical, but the great thing about it is that there is no rule book. The only rule I would say is to keep it light, comfortable, and as fun as possible. If you want to cuddle with one of your partners one night because you’re just in that mood..., do it! But just try not to think too deeply into it. If you want to finish up and get up and go home, do that too. It’s literally all up to you. On top of that, I was able to learn about myself sexually. I found out what I like, what I don’t like and just my preferences overall. Now clearly, I am a little bias because of my own personal experiences, and I think it’s a great thing for women especially to experience, given how generally our sexuality is something that we’ve been taught to restrict or hide, but as I started, it truly does depend.

I can say it is probably not for everybody. It all depends on you as a person and seeing as how one of my personal trustee rules is to do what’s comfortable, it depends on what you’re comfortable with. Some people only want to share themselves or feel comfortable doing so with a special someone and are unable to separate the emotional from the physical and that is completely understandable and ok as well. If that’s the case for you though, I would probably advise against having that sexual rumspringa. However, if you’re someone that has contemplated letting loose sexually, going with the flow, doing what feels good in the moment, and just giving less of a fuck, I say go for it. The great thing too is that you can try out having no strings and if it doesn’t feel right to you, let that path go and look for a more meaningful relationship.

At the end of the day, it’s all about what makes you feel good and helps you progress, but personally I say RUMSPRINGA!!!!




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