I figured, why not write this now? After all, I just finished playing with myself. My vibrator is still warm from being on setting 3 – turbo speed with the occasional surprise pulse sensation. I had intended for this “playtime” to be short and sweet, like I intend for this post to be, but it took a little more time finding the right spot 😉. As you can probably tell, I’m a huge advocate for masturbation, playing with yourself as I’d like to call it. Masturbation has so many benefits - from stress release to self-exploration, to manifestation, and to get the most of this sexual experience you need to spend time getting to know yourself.
Before jumping into my 5 Tips, l’d like to remind you of the number one rule when talking about sex - Sex is a no judgement zone/topic. Sex is fluid, it is free, and everyone and anyone should be able to share their tips, tricks, and opinions and have a safe space to do so. There should be no shame associated with pleasure. That’s it, that’s all – easy peasy. Now in no order – let’s jump into my five tips.
1. Let’s talk about your toy of choice. The toy lying next to me right now was actually a present that I bought for my cousin, but one day when the battery on my old faithful vibrator went dead and there were no AA’s in the house, I made the decision to open her gift before I went absolutely insane. I’d just like to say “best decision ever!” because the Yetrun Mini Wand Massager is now my favorite – small, silicone and flexible, purple and cute, with enough settings to please both the beginner and the novice.
With that said, the toy matters! Choosing the right toy can be intimidating, but once you understand a few things, it should be more of a fun task. There’s a wide variety out there and you just need to find what you’re into. If you’re a beginner, I suggest something small and soft like what I mentioned above - Yetrun Mini Wand Massager. You can even start out with something smaller like the Infamous Bullet. A bullet is a smaller version of the classic vibrator and is a bit easier to maneuver. These toys are great for clitoral stimulation. The clitoris, or clit, is the most sensitive “feel good zone” on a woman’s body. Because of this, it may be easiest for you to feel sexual pleasure or have an orgasm from clitoral stimulation. It’s my preferred method. Other great clitoral stimulators are the Better Love Stella by Ella Paradise or anything with suction like the infamous Rose Toy.
You can also explore penetration, which is done by inserting your fingers or a toy such as a dildo inside of your vagina. Adding penetration into playtime is a great way to receive G-spot stimulation. I’d suggest starting out with a soft and flexible Wand, silicone dildo. I recommend the Lovehoney Curved Silicone Suction Cup Dildo 6 Inch and work your way up or down with the sizing depending on what you’re comfortable with. If you want to try clit stimulation and penetration then the Rabbit is your go to toy, it even vibrates while simulating! There is a plethora of toys that we can get into, but to make it easy I say start small and work your way up. It’s a journey and every new toy brings a different excitement and sensation – so make sure not to rush the process. Soak it all in.
2. Let your body go during playtime. Play around with different positions and techniques until you find what works for you. Most times I’m on my back when I use my vibrator, but sometimes I’ll position myself dog-style and reach between my legs with my vibrator and that can produce a completely different sensation. It's all up to you, but don’t be afraid to switch up positions depending on what your body wants. It adds excitement and intensity.
3. You can get it on WHEREVER and WHENEVER. You don’t have to be in a bed or even in a sitting position. A friend recently told me that she pulls up to her dick appointments with a butt plug already inserted and she’ll use her vibrator for a couple minutes in the car before getting out. Although I’ve gotten my solo pleasure on in a wide range of places (including work), that made me realize that it’s normal and recommended. Why feel the urge and wait until you get home? Be sure to have a private space of course, but once you’ve got that go baby go!
4. Try playing around with various sensations. If you’re a visual person, scroll through your favorite porn site, or my personal favorite – Twitter (yes, twitter!) until you find the perfect video. What are you into? Threesome? Amateur? Anime? Taboo? There is something for everyone – just make sure it’s lengthy enough because hitting repeat on a video can mess up the flow. You can also close your eyes and play out a steamy fantasy or memory. If you’re more into sounds, then some good music or an erotic audiobook may be more your thing. I dabble between using my imagination and Twitter videos. Whatever you choose, the process of finding the right video/song/ audio before starting can serve as a little foreplay.
Also, don’t be fooled - although your alone, physical touch sensations can be incorporated into your play time. Want some nipple stimulation? Rub on them with one hand and use your vibrator with the other hand. I invested in some nipple clamps and realized that if you apply a pair of nipple clamps and tug on the chain a bit, it mimics the sensation of someone rubbing your nipples. Into anal stimulation? Try inserting an anal plug. There are even vibrating ones if you want to take it up a notch. Want to add some foot play? Throw some socks on to add a warm nice touch during your sensation. Don’t be afraid of combining toys to fulfill multiple stimulations – my favorite recommendation is the Rose Toy on your clit or nipples while using a dildo, rabbit, or your handy dandy fingers for penetration – whatever works for you! Get creative.
5. Don’t feel the need to be cute. If you go on a porn search, you may come across photos or videos of women playing with themselves and they look so pretty and put together. This is not realistic. You’re learning and exploring, so there’s bound to be a couple eye twitches, random bursts of “aghhhh”, a leg kick here, and a spasm there. It will become less enjoyable to be concerned about what you look like while playing with yourself, even while having sex. It’s a distraction. So, breathe, stretch, shake and let it go. Relax. Go with the flow and don’t overthink it.
Ok, I lied, I have one last tip.
6. Enjoy yourself! Don’t feel the need to get it right on the first try or even the 20th try. Don’t expect what works for everyone else to work for you. Understand that this is your body and it takes time getting to learn it – even at the grown age of almost 30! We all start somewhere and there’s always something new to learn. Be open to experimenting and being uncomfortable at times. I encourage you to let yourself go from judgement, expectations, and ENJOY yourself. (no pun intended 😉)
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